One weekend in London
by finmagik
Summary: House meets Bernard Black while avoiding a medical conference in London. A affair ensues. House comes back for another medical conference and finds Bernard again.


Manny was proud of himself. He had actually gotten Bernard to take a shower.

He stood in the bookshop surveying it happily.

"I feel strange," Bernard called from the other room. "All tingly and stuff."

"That's called clean Bernard." Manny said.

"Can I have my wine and cigarettes back now?" Bernard asked.

Manny peeked through the curtain at Bernard, who was standing in the middle of their filthy back room in only a towel dripping onto the carpet.

"Dry off and put on your clothes." Manny said.

"This is inhumane! It's against the Geneva convention! To deprive a person of fags and booze is just evil!" Bernard said.

"Dry off and put on your clothes." Manny repeated.

"It's blackmail!" Bernard said.

The sound of the shop door opening startled Manny. He turned and saw a customer hobbling through the door. It was an unshaven man with a cane, and brown hair. He stared at Manny and then at the books.

"Can I help you with something?" Manny asked.

"No." replied the man. He had an American accent.

The man was giving a desultory glance over at the books on the middle table. As if his mind was on something else. The man removed a pill bottle from his jacket pocket, took out a white pill and popped it in his mouth.

It was then that Bernard emerged from the backroom, dry and dressed in his usual black suit. He saw the man, and yelled: "Gregory House you yankee bastard, get out of my store!"

"Why should I?" asked House.

"Because it's my store and I don't want you in it!" Bernard replied.

"Is this anyway to treat a customer?" House asked.

"You're not a customer…. You're a bastard! You're getting out of the store now!" Bernard said.

"No, I think I'll stand right here." House said.

"Right! I'm dialing the cops!" Bernard said stomping over to the desk and picking up the phone.

House walked over to the desk and put his hand on the cradle, where the button to cut off the call was.

"Manny do something!" Bernard ordered.

"What?" asked Manny.

"Something he's a cripple, you can take him!" Bernard shouted.

Manny approached House, who simply raised his cane in a threatening manner.

"Do you really want to fuck with me?" House asked.

Manny stared at the cane, it looked dangerous. "Er, no."

"You're useless!" Bernard said running his hands through his hair. "And you!" He turned to House. "You just… come back from outer space I just walked in to find you here with that smirk on your face!"

"You're quoting Gloria Gaynor now?" House said raising an eyebrow.

"Well, it's fitting! You think you can just waltz in here and…." Bernard said nervously running his hands through his hair. "You confused me! Totally turned everything I knew about myself upside down!"

"You confused yourself, you wanted it," House said.

"I thought I was gay because of you!" Bernard accused. "You fucking queer!"

Manny's mouth dropped open, he looked from House to Bernard. They ignored him.

"I'm not gay," House said.

"Then what are you?!" Bernard said.

"I'm just an opportunist," House said.

"Well, you don't have any opportunities with me!" Bernard shouted. "I thought… I thought we'd have a house, a dog, garden and a wine cellar… YOU PROMISED ME A WINE CELLAR!"

"I never promised you any of that you, Irish idiot!" House said.

"You promised me more of those wonderful pills…" Bernard said.

"I did? Well, I lied." House said.

"Go! Out! Now!" Bernard ordered. "Take your bloody pills, your cane, your American accent!"

"Fine, I will." House said turning to leave.

"No! No! I didn't mean it!" Bernard said rushing to House. "You want… you want…."

"Want what?" House asked.

Bernard mussed his hair and muttered something into his chest.

"Yes?" House asked.

"Want a tour of my flat?" Bernard asked.

"Can I get you guys some tea?" Manny asked.

They ignored him again.

"Not really," House said.

"You want to fuck then?" Bernard said in a burst of courage.

"Sure." House said.

And Bernard and House went off to the back room.

"Can I top this time?" Bernard asked as they walked back.

"Remember our rule. I have the cane, I always top." House said.

They disappeared behind the curtains.

Bernard peeked his head out of the curtains and yelled to Manny: "Manny the shop is closed!"


End file.
